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Friday, October 29, 2010

Kid Brothers Suck


I want to start off by dispelling some things you may have heard about my brother and I.

First of all, that whole nonsense that we are always waging epic war over souls between heaven and hell is pure nonsense. I really don't know who glorified our family squabbles, but it needs to end now. Sure, we fought when we were younger like any brothers would. Who doesn't argue over a toy or the attention of a parent? All kids do. What you never hear is the story of when we were young in the biblical texts.

Jesus is the "baby". Anybody who has a younger sibling knows how that story goes. Always getting the special treatment where as I'd always seem to get the blame. "Daddddd, Wally took my Big Bang Theory Playsettttt!". It never failed. "Wally, give your brother back his quantum singularity piece so he can finish his make-believe universe". Oh come ON! He wasn't even playing with it!!! It was always that kind of stuff. He knew what he was doing. I knew he knew what he was doing because he'd always look over at me smugly while holding his hand out waiting for me to give things like that back. To say he was nauseatingly bratty as a kid would be putting it lightly.

He's technically 32,412 years younger than me. In your time that may seem like ages, but in creation time that would be like saying we were near Irish twin status. It seemed like just as soon as I got used to being an only child, there he was out of nowhere. Actually, he did come out of nowhere now that I think about it. That's how the old man works, I guess. The irony in the last statement made me chuckle and forget what I was saying. Anyways....

As we grew up, halo-head always got the front seat in the car. Mr. Daddy's-boy got to order first in the ice cream line when it came time to go to Carvel. I'd always be told "Now look what Jesus is doing, Wally. Why can't you help neanderthal create fire and push them in the direction of growth?". Ugh. It was infuriating. I'd do anything just to get out of the house most times because I couldn't take it anymore. I have to give the old man one thing, he kinda understood my misery and never once took away my car keys when I got older to go out and just decompress. He's all knowing and blah blah blah though, so I suppose I should have seen that one coming.

Years later we mellowed out and then I got booted from the house like I already told you. Again, it wasn't this big epic "thing" people make it out to be. It was more of a slacker kid with no real direction getting the heavy hand from a parent to "get out and find a job". It's a story as old as time and still happens. I know he just wanted me to straighten up and make something of myself. Perhaps even one day hand over the family business, but Jesus kind of filled that slot.

We still talk, Jesus and I. Just because the old man is still peeved, doesn't mean I don't have any contact with the rest of the family. We hang out every few millenia on earth. If you ever saw the movie Dogma, you'd know that makes sense. We're able to take human non-descript form and have neutral ground. We laugh and joke a bit about kid stuff. I ask how everybody is. He secretly wonders about what it's like being "out there".

Sure, he's still a little brat, but I love my kid brother. I just.... I dunno. I don't think we're ever going to see eye to eye on everything. It's funny how two people made from the same mold can be so different, eh? Then again, that's siblings for you.


* Yes, that's me on the left. Any cracks about the part in my hair and I will give you a tail for it.

7 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

I'd almost given up on you. Thought we'd never see another post! It was worth the wait, though. Keep them coming.

Don't I Know You? said...

oh yeah, this is the stuff we been waitin for.

tehkorah said...

Yep, that sounds about right... kid brothers OR sisters will drive you crazy and be the royal pains that they are meant to be... of course, I think that categorizes them as being more devilish than their older siblings... but with my own life, I know better than to come to that conclusion.
But what do you say about being put on a pedestal of potential and letting your parent(s) down? I'm sure that qualifies me for at least a tail, ... maybe a couple of little horns? I could make a cute minion for you... ;)

SaraBellum said...

Poor, misunderstood Satan. I'm glad you're finally telling us what really happened.

UBERMOUTH said...

I have the bastard of all kid brothers....he's such a bastard that none of the family will talk to him.
Cute photo btw.

Don't I Know You? said...

You wrote, It's funny how two people made from the same mold can be so different, eh? Then again, that's siblings for you.

Flat Stanley says that technically speaking, the only two people made from the same mold are identical twins. So DUH. That should give some insight. You and Jesus, you have different mothers, yah? So not only are you not from the same mold, you're not even from the same GENE pool.

Jesus got the brains, you got the C-student street smarts. Except for the fact that you weren't smart enough to charm yoh Daddy, you couldduh haddit made.

Sorry 'bout your luck, chump.

Now go write the next installment.

Say, are you implying that your Father slept around??????????

Anonymous said...

drumms fingers impatiently . . .